BREAKING!: Fairytale Creatures Banished to Resettlement Facility

By: The Three Bling Mice - Squeaky Leaks Iventigative Reporters

It seems that “faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust” isn’t enough to protect those most vulnerable to Lord Farquaad’s decrees. 

Earlier this week, several renowned fairytale creatures were spotted leaving the kingdom of Duloc, escorted by Duloc guards. From the Three Bears to the Three Pigs, dismay marked the faces of these creatures, who once called Duloc home. Each fairy, animal, and magical figure carried their few possessions across the kingdom’s nearby swamp, which is typically preserved due to reports of frightening wildlife. 

This relocation comes as Farquaad imposes a strict code of conformity in Duloc. In his efforts to adopt kingship, Farquaad recently announced his plans to follow “a model that amazes, a plan with seven phases.” One such phase includes ridding Duloc of “all fruitcakes and freaks;” in a press announcement this past week, the Lord revealed that “if you had a quirk, you didn’t pass inspection…I will have perfection.”

Many of the banished fairytale creatures feel that their lives have been forcefully uprooted. “I’m always doomed to fail,” said Pinocchio, a wooden, boyish puppet who was rezoned under Farquaad’s decree. “I’ve been cheated by a fox, swallowed by a whale, and now forced to leave my home because I’m supposedly a freak! I mean, can I catch a break?”

Other creatures report verbal cruelty from Duloc guards. The Mad Hatter accused soldiers of “ridiculing” his hat, while the Big Bad Wolf reports that “[Duloc officials] labeled [him] a ‘fashion mess’ because [he] wore a granny dress.”

This is an ongoing investigation. Stay tuned for updates on the well-being of the fairytale creatures, Farquaad’s initiatives, and what the future holds for Dulocians.