Farquaad Takes the Stage: Duloc’s Lord Becomes Chairman of the Board at The Ritz
By Magic Mirror, Entertainment Correspondent
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the most theatrical of them all? If yesterday’s events at The Ritz Theatre are any reflection, the answer is Lord Farquaad—self-appointed Chairman of the Board and now the star of his very own stage.
The takeover was as sudden as it was showy. Crimson-and-gold banners were hastily draped over the Ritz’s familiar signage, leaving folds of fabric dangling like the hem of an ill-tailored costume. In place of upcoming shows, the marquee now proudly boasts: THE GLORIOUS SHOW and LONG LIVE THE KING. Subtlety, as always, is not Farquaad’s strong suit.
Formally The Ritz, now The Duloc Theatre
“Tonight’s feature will be whatever I say it is,” the Lord proclaimed, his diminutive figure amplified by an oversized sound system. “This theatre is no longer yours—it is mine, mine, mine!”
And what of the programming? Patrons hoping for musicals, plays, or community favorites may instead find themselves treated to such blockbusters as An Evening of Applause (For Me) and One Man’s Journey: From Small Stature to Greatness.
To enforce the appropriate levels of enthusiasm, Farquaad has deployed his hooded henchman Thelonious as Chief Applause Officer. Ever the strong, silent type, Thelonious now prowls the aisles with cue cards demanding CLAP LOUDER and STANDING OVATION REQUIRED. Reports of decibel thresholds remain unconfirmed—but audiences would be wise not to risk underperforming.
Reactions are mixed. “He’s got the drama of a Shakespearean tyrant,” murmured one patron, “and honestly, I’d pay to watch him scowl for two hours.” Yet others worry the community theatre spirit will vanish under the velvet glove of Duloc’s heavy-handed stage management.
Still, whether by force or fascination, the crowds will gather. After all, in the kingdom of Duloc, the spotlight always finds its way back to Farquaad. And as any good critic knows—the show must go on.
