I AM a Real Boy

By Pinocchio, Special Contributor

Every time I walk down Duloc’s pristine streets, someone feels the need to tap me on the shoulder and ask, “So, are you really real?” As if a wooden nose is the sum total of my identity. Well, let me clear things up once and for all: I AM a real boy.

I eat, I breathe, I pay taxes (don’t get me started on Duloc’s timber import tariffs). I even stub my toes like everyone else—except when I do it, the splinter situation is much worse.

Yes, sometimes my nose reacts when I’m not entirely truthful, but who in Duloc hasn’t stretched the truth a little? Lord Farquaad calls his castle “cozy.” The Duloc Guard insists their helmets are “comfortable.” Lies are everywhere, but somehow I’m the one who gets singled out.

The real scandal? Duloc has quietly implemented policies requiring all “magical citizens” to register for “special observation.” Do you know what it’s like to be told you must stand in the “enchanted creature” line at the market just because your jaw creaks a little when you yawn?

I am more than my nose. I am more than my wooden past. I am a citizen of Duloc who deserves dignity, not suspicion.

So next time you see me on the street, don’t ask if I’m real. Instead, ask me how my day was. Ask me what it feels like to grow up in a place where even fairy tales are judged. And if I say it feels fine… well, maybe check my nose, just in case.

—Pinocchio