Donkey Walks Free After Six-Year Sentence for Piñata Impersonation

By Captain Reginald Brickhelm, Chief of the Royal Guard of Duloc

Citizens of Duloc, let this serve as an official report and a gentle reminder that while our kingdom prides itself on order, discipline, and impeccable festival decorum, one must never, EVER, impersonate a piñata.

Earlier this week, a certain talking Donkey (yes, that one) was released from Duloc Correctional Facilities after serving a six-year sentence in solitary confinement. His crime? Impersonating a piñata at a royal birthday celebration, a serious offense under Duloc Code §12-C, “Fraudulent Festive Representation.”

The arrest occurred after numerous children were seen enthusiastically whacking what they believed to be a traditional papier-mâché party ornament. Imagine their horror when the “piñata” yelled, “Ow! Quit it, I’m not candy!” and promptly kicked over the cake table.

During his time in confinement, Donkey was reportedly well-behaved, aside from forming an a cappella group with three enchanted mice and attempting to organize “Waffle Wednesdays” in the dungeon mess hall.

Upon release, he was seen galloping out of the gates with great enthusiasm, shouting that he was “a reformed party decoration” and that “hugs are the new candy.”

Lord Farquaad has since decreed that all future piñatas must be inspected by the Royal Guard prior to any Duloc celebration to ensure that they do not contain talking animals, live creatures, or musical tendencies.

In conclusion, Duloc remains a model of efficiency and civility, though between ogres, fairy-tale fugitives, and now festive Donkeys, one sometimes wonders what’s next.