From Tower to True Love: The Fairy Tale Nobody Saw Coming
By The Three Blind Mice, Special Correspondents for Squeaky Leaks
It has been confirmed at last that Princess Fiona, long presumed the fairest maiden in all the land, has been freed from her dragon guarded tower after 8,423 days of waiting for true love’s kiss. What no one in Duloc expected was that her rescuer would not be a prince, but an ogre. Yes, you read that correctly. An ogre. His name is Shrek, and his story may be even stranger than hers.
A Tower, a Temper, and Too Many Years of Waiting
According to palace records, Fiona was sent away as a child for her own safety after an enchantment took hold, a secret curse she worked tirelessly to conceal. Each night the princess would transform into something rather unexpected, an ogress, and by morning return to her usual form. Day after day she dreamed of the moment her prince would come, rehearsing her rescue and perfecting her princess wave. Insiders tell Squeaky Leaks that she even sang about it, often loudly, often with impressive key changes.
But after so many years of reading the same fairy tale endings, Fiona began to suspect that real life might not always rhyme.
Enter the Ogre
Shrek, a swamp dwelling ogre who had been living peacefully in isolation, found himself suddenly surrounded by every fairy tale creature in the kingdom after Lord Farquaad’s relocation decree. With his home invaded and his privacy ruined, Shrek set out to confront the ruler of Duloc. Along the way, he reluctantly accepted the company of one very talkative Donkey, whose optimism could make even a fairy godmother roll her eyes.
Lord Farquaad, known for his meticulous grooming and complete lack of empathy, offered Shrek a deal. Rescue Princess Fiona from the tower, bring her to Duloc, and Shrek could have his swamp back. Simple enough, or so it seemed.
The Dragon and the Donkey
What was meant to be a straightforward rescue became something else entirely when Shrek and Donkey encountered the tower’s fire breathing guardian. Reports confirm that Donkey somehow charmed the dragon into sparing their lives, leading to a complicated interspecies romance that continues to baffle zoologists and relationship experts alike.
Meanwhile, Fiona, upon meeting her supposed rescuer, was less than thrilled. Witnesses recall her disappointment that her knight in shining armor was, in fact, green and covered in mud. But over time, and several catchy musical numbers, the pair began to see each other differently.
Love in Layers
Travelers along the forest path reported hearing laughter, bickering, and at least one duet involving flatulence. It was during these unlikely adventures that Fiona began to realize what she truly wanted was not perfection, but acceptance. As she once sang, “I know it’s today, but maybe today is not what I thought it would be.”
Back in Duloc, preparations for the royal wedding were underway, complete with banners, fireworks, and regulations requiring everyone to smile. Lord Farquaad, ever determined to secure a royal bride, wasted no time in declaring Fiona his future queen, without noticing her growing unease.
The Wedding That Went Up in Flames
When Shrek crashed the wedding, the crowd gasped, the choir fainted, and Farquaad demanded immediate banishment. Instead, Fiona made a shocking confession before the entire congregation, revealing her curse. As the sun set, she transformed before everyone’s eyes into an ogress. Farquaad called it monstrous. Shrek called it beautiful.
Just as the tension peaked, the dragon burst through the stained glass windows and carried off Lord Farquaad in a single gulp. Witnesses say there was applause. Loud applause.
Happily Ever Ogre After
Princess Fiona and Shrek shared true love’s kiss, breaking her curse in an unexpected twist. Instead of turning human, she remained an ogress, proving that beauty truly comes from within. The two were married that evening in a small swamp ceremony attended by fairy tale creatures, a singing Donkey, and a dragon maid of honor who accidentally set the cake on fire. The couple danced beneath the stars to the now famous anthem “I’m a Believer,” and even the Gingerbread Man was seen shedding a crumb shaped tear.
As for Lord Farquaad, officials claim he left the building in pieces, though no remains have been recovered. The citizens of Duloc await an official statement, but in the meantime the kingdom is adjusting to a world where love can come in the most unexpected of forms.
From towers to swamps, from curses to kisses, Princess Fiona and Shrek have proven that sometimes fairy tales do come true, just not the way the storybooks say they should.
A Farewell from the Mice
As we close the last page of our beloved publication, we at Squeaky Leaks would like to thank every reader who believed in the power of stories, even the ones that smell a little swampy. We have covered dragons, ogres, missing monarchs, and the occasional flying fairy, but this story feels like the perfect ending.
In a world that once demanded perfection, Fiona and Shrek taught us that being yourself is the greatest happily ever after of all.
Until we squeak again,
The Three Blind Mice
Signing off from Duloc
