Swampgate: Lord Farquaad’s Secret Zoning Deals
By the Three Blind Mice – Special to Squeaky Leaks
When Duloc’s citizens awoke to discover their fairy-tale neighbors vanished from the streets and marketplaces, the official explanation was simple: public safety. Lord Farquaad’s new zoning ordinances claimed magical creatures endangered Duloc’s tidy suburbs.
Our investigation reveals something much darker. A secret scheme of land grabs, crooked rezonings, and forced relocations to a desolate bog now known to locals as The Dulockup.
Zoning for Profit
Leaked ordinances from the Duloc Department of Interior and Creature Expulsion show that prime parcels of fairy-tale housing were quietly rezoned as “commercial castle property.” Within days, banners advertised luxury towers, enchanted shopping halls, and a developer-funded Mirror World Theme Park.
Meanwhile the fetid marshlands outside Duloc, long designated “non-habitable,” were suddenly reclassified as Creature Containment Zone 13. Officials insisted it was a “safety measure.” Insiders told us it was always meant to be a dumping ground.
Life in the Dulockup
From the edge of the bog we spoke with displaced residents. Pinocchio, stuck knee-deep in muck, called it “a life sentence for telling the truth.” The Three Little Pigs complained of mosquitoes “the size of wyverns.” One gnome muttered bitterly: “It’s the Dulockup. Once you’re in, you don’t get out.”
Who Benefits
Documents suggest Farquaad’s closest allies purchased the newly rezoned properties for next to nothing, some “for a single magic bean.” Whether the Lord himself profits directly remains unclear, but the pattern of sweetheart deals is undeniable.
Questions That Demand Answers
Who bankrolled the Mirror World project?
Why was The Dulockup the only relocation site chosen?
How deep does Farquaad’s personal involvement run?
The Official Line
At a recent press conference Duloc’s Press Secretary brushed off our questions. “The Lord is committed to safety, cleanliness, and order,” she said, clutching her “D” medallion. But the people of Duloc deserve more than platitudes. They deserve transparency.
Until then, one thing is certain. Swampgate stinks worse than The Dulockup itself.
