The New Look of Law and Order: Duloc’s Royal Guard Unveils Uniform Upgrade

By Mira “The Nose” Whiskerton, Squeaky Leaks Correspondent

In a dazzling display of fabric, flair, and forced enthusiasm, the Duloc Royal Guard revealed their brand-new uniform tops this week, modeled proudly by a handpicked group of guards and volunteers.

The redesigned tunics feature a bold combination of royal blue, crimson shoulder flares, and a golden “chevron of authority” emblazoned across the chest. According to an official press release from the Ministry of Orderly Appearances, the new uniforms are “intended to inspire loyalty, obedience, and perhaps a little envy from less color-coordinated kingdoms.”

During the unveiling ceremony, the guards lined up in formation, each striking their own version of the official “Duloc stance.” While some opted for traditional thumbs-up solidarity, others experimented with salutes, skeptical frowns, and hesitant half-smiles.

“Do we feel powerful? Absolutely,” said one guard between nervous chuckles. “Do we look like we could perform at a theme-park dinner show? Also yes.”

The new tops are part of Lord Farquaad’s ongoing “Image of Order” campaign, which includes repainting all Duloc trash bins in matching blue and requiring townsfolk to coordinate their socks on Tuesdays.

As the guard shuffled out of headquarters in their fresh attire, whispers spread among the crowd. Some citizens praised the bold new look, calling it “a step toward fashion domination.” Others suggested that the guards looked more like background dancers in a musical revue than enforcers of royal law.

Still, one thing is certain: Duloc’s Royal Guard will never again blend into the crowd. And whether for intimidation or entertainment, Lord Farquaad wouldn’t have it any other way.